Real talk...
I get angry sometimes. Angry in a way that basically counteracts the Bible at times saying not to go to bed with anger inside me. Ephesians 4:26 says, "and 'don’t sin by letting anger control you.' Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry.'" Oftentimes I let tension build up in me in different situations, and eventually need to an outlet to release that. I guess I don't necessarily "need" that outlet, but it tends to happen that way. In writing this post, I went on Pinterest and searched "anger" (note to self: add another keyword with that search to avoid depressing and negative thoughts on anger). But the trend that I found was that anger - even extended periods of it - is okay, doesn't necessarily need to be managed, is a natural defense mechanism, an inward battle, among other things. While part of this may be true, the other part makes my heart hurt for whoever had that thought. What i've begun to learn, and something that you may already know, is anger can easily be a natural response to a tense situation, and it is okay to feel that momentarily. But when I act on it, and outwardly express it, that is when it becomes unhealthy. More recently since my mom & I moved, her & I have been spending a lot of time around each other, especially lately with me not having a job or other commitments in a new city. Added to that is the stress from the move itself. So, unfortunately, she has gotten the result of what I described. I read something today that said, "you're not the first one to ever be where you are now." I know that I am not alone in the curveballs that life has thrown at me, but I think I needed that reminder today. I am not the only one that struggles with this, but I do in fact struggle with this. I can not control what other people say or do, but I CAN control and manage what I say and do. I CAN seek God, seek community, and not let something like anger override my emotions. I also heard someone say recently that I may think at times that I don't have the life I deserve, but I can surely be the daughter, sister, and friend that they deserve. I'm starting to cry writing this, but it's so true. What has happened, happened, and nothing that I say or do can change that. All I can do is manage what I say or do from here on out. Of course, this is all much more easier said than done, but it's a "one-day-at-a-time" mentality. My paradigm on life begins to shift, and I assure myself that I am blessed in more ways than I can even fathom, I have been & am being provided for, and I have such good people in my life. I'm also reminding myself that anything I may get angry or upset about will all seem less important tomorrow. "The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases, His mercies never come to an end, they are new every morning. Great is Your faithfulness." {Lamentations 3:22-23}
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This is a blog about the ups & downs of early
adulthood, God's goodness & faithfulness, & life in other countries. “Look at the nations and watch— and be utterly amazed. For I am going to do something in your days that you would not believe, even if you were told."
Habakkuk 1:5 NIV Archives
June 2017
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