One year ago this week I was in Ouanaminthe, Haiti serving at Danita's Children for the second time. I continue to be so so thankful for that time. I have learned so much about myself, other people, the world we live in, and how to live life differently. I learned that many people don't have to search long & hard for contentment and joy, and life could be a whole lot more simple if we learned to love one another rather than trying to change them. Going to Haiti was my first serving experience where it really shaped & formed me into who I am today. Before my trips & since then I have had many opportunities to serve in my community and local area. In just over two months (62 days), I'll be serving with Adventures in Missions in Thailand & Cambodia for three months! I am so in awe & overwhelmed by the life I have been blessed with. I do not say this to boast, but to motivate & encourage others to lean into the passions that have been placed in their heart, and see what God can do with them. It is hard to form to words to adequately express how expectant and excited I am to have this experience and see what God will do.
I've booked my flight to and from Georgia (where the team & I will be leaving & arriving from), I am almost fully funded ($62 left out of $6,232), and am looking into getting my gear! It's surreal & crazy that this whole process began almost nine months ago. I am so thankful & God is so faithful!
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Real talk...
I get angry sometimes. Angry in a way that basically counteracts the Bible at times saying not to go to bed with anger inside me. Ephesians 4:26 says, "and 'don’t sin by letting anger control you.' Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry.'" Oftentimes I let tension build up in me in different situations, and eventually need to an outlet to release that. I guess I don't necessarily "need" that outlet, but it tends to happen that way. In writing this post, I went on Pinterest and searched "anger" (note to self: add another keyword with that search to avoid depressing and negative thoughts on anger). But the trend that I found was that anger - even extended periods of it - is okay, doesn't necessarily need to be managed, is a natural defense mechanism, an inward battle, among other things. While part of this may be true, the other part makes my heart hurt for whoever had that thought. What i've begun to learn, and something that you may already know, is anger can easily be a natural response to a tense situation, and it is okay to feel that momentarily. But when I act on it, and outwardly express it, that is when it becomes unhealthy. More recently since my mom & I moved, her & I have been spending a lot of time around each other, especially lately with me not having a job or other commitments in a new city. Added to that is the stress from the move itself. So, unfortunately, she has gotten the result of what I described. I read something today that said, "you're not the first one to ever be where you are now." I know that I am not alone in the curveballs that life has thrown at me, but I think I needed that reminder today. I am not the only one that struggles with this, but I do in fact struggle with this. I can not control what other people say or do, but I CAN control and manage what I say and do. I CAN seek God, seek community, and not let something like anger override my emotions. I also heard someone say recently that I may think at times that I don't have the life I deserve, but I can surely be the daughter, sister, and friend that they deserve. I'm starting to cry writing this, but it's so true. What has happened, happened, and nothing that I say or do can change that. All I can do is manage what I say or do from here on out. Of course, this is all much more easier said than done, but it's a "one-day-at-a-time" mentality. My paradigm on life begins to shift, and I assure myself that I am blessed in more ways than I can even fathom, I have been & am being provided for, and I have such good people in my life. I'm also reminding myself that anything I may get angry or upset about will all seem less important tomorrow. "The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases, His mercies never come to an end, they are new every morning. Great is Your faithfulness." {Lamentations 3:22-23} After moving to a different city, even after a week, life has seemed a little different. On the bright side, my grandpa has lived here my whole life and longer, so it wasn’t an entirely new city, but definitely different to live in, plus the fact that we don’t know very many people right now. I don’t have a job, I haven’t found a new church yet, and I’m an online student. In other words, I don’t have any commitments yet to keep me busy outside of the house. The other day I was in bed until 10am for the first time in a long time and didn’t feel bad about it. Since it’s only been about a week since we’ve moved, I’m not too shaken up about it. But if week two comes around, and all the same dynamics are going on, I might feel differently. A couple nights ago I somewhat spontaneously decided to go to an art show hosted by The Giving Keys in Downtown Los Angeles. I say “somewhat spontaneously” because I knew about the event a couple days prior, but didn’t actually decide to go until that afternoon. On a side note, I wasn’t quite sure if my mom was going to be alright with me spending the evening in Downtown LA by myself on a Friday evening. (Please erase all those horrible scenarios that may have just come to mind, okay?) So I go to the event. I get a little more dressed up than I usually do (let me just say, that I almost never get “dressed up” so this was pretty fun), drove an hour through LA traffic, had a really good talk on the phone with a really good friend to keep me company, and made my way there. I had never visited the Art District before, and just got pretty excited driving into the area. Since I got there a little early, I found an eclectic-looking coffee house just a block or so from where the art show was. I was one of the first people in the art show and starting looking around before it got too busy. The show itself was pretty amazing. The Giving Keys showcased art from a couple artists local to the LA area, but part of the focus of the night was the art from people who have worked for and with The Giving Keys. (Disclaimer: I am not getting paid to say this and rave about this amazing company.) Not only does this company sell jewelry that encourage, inspires, and emboldens people, but they also employ homeless people with the hope they can have a better future than they might have imagined. The ones who had contributed to the art show came up with quotes that embodied their struggles and where they are today and portrayed them as a work of art. But they didn’t stop there. We got to hear first hand inspiring stories and wisdom from them. Soon after arriving at the event, I had met a young woman around my age who is staying in the area for the summer. After talking for a while, we found common ground: we are both Christian. Oh and we also got a little starstruck a couple times... All this to say, I am really thankful for that night. I learned that if I step even the slightest out of my comfort zone, amazing things can happen. A couple years ago, actually probably 9-12 months ago, I wouldn’t have considered doing any of what I did that night. I look back over the years and think of myself as a pretty reserved & sometimes withdrawn person. I was only my true self, if that, when around the people that I have known the longest or meant the most to me. Especially in high school, I was not comfortable in my own skin, and was certainly not confident in the woman God had made me to be. Oh how times have changed. If the only option for me to go to the event was alone, I would have flaked out. I definitely wouldn’t have gone out of my way to talk with someone I had never met, and later exchange phone numbers. I am so so thankful for the newfound confidence that only God could have instilled in me. Honestly, it makes life a lot more fun that way. As I was driving home, I smiled, laughed a little, and thought to myself, I really surprise myself sometimes. |
This is a blog about the ups & downs of early
adulthood, God's goodness & faithfulness, & life in other countries. “Look at the nations and watch— and be utterly amazed. For I am going to do something in your days that you would not believe, even if you were told."
Habakkuk 1:5 NIV Archives
June 2017
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